I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
