do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
