paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
