I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
