I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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