She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
