Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
