I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
