I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
