carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
