I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize