he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
