I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
