JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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