forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
