Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
