Sry I called you an 8
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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