Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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