I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
