So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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