remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
