good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
