His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
