shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
