sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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