dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
