True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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