Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
