I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
