I bet he comes in French.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
