i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
