I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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