I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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