Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
