Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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