How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
