Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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