Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i will never coherently bang her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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