You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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