The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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