I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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