i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
