During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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