I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
