well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
