She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
