mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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