We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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