her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
