He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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