Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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