So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Too much gin, very little bucket
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
