i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
