speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All the doctor said was why
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
