Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
