I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
