i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
