woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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