you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
do nipples grow back?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
