lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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