Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
