the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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