this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
