You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
