I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
