How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
