but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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