TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
