we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
