i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize