oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
