You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
