I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
