I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
