just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
