it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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