he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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