I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
