So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
