I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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