You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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