I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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