Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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