DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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