just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
