I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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