This house was built for laser tag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
