i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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