And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
