what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
