Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
