Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
